Cancer's not all bad
Written by Nadine Searle
........On the 8th Dec 2022 my life changed forever. I didn't know it at the time but, at a routine Mammogram, evidence of cancer was detected.
On the 29th Dec I was at The Park Centre for Breast Care in Brighton having the first of many many tests to find out exactly what we were dealing with. More Mammograms, Scans and Vacuum Biopsies followed during 3 appointments and after what seemed like the longest 6 weeks of my life I was handed a file with my diagnosis.
I had no idea what it all meant. I never heard the words "You have Cancer" but I knew that cancerous cells had been found and I knew that I was going to be treated for Breast Cancer.
I was sent for an MRI and a PET Scan to see if there was cancer anywhere else which terrified me as, in my mind, I thought that I might actually have cancer everywhere and that I might also only have months to live. Dramatic I know but I defy anyone who has been told they have cancer not to go to this dark place in your mind.
My next appointment was in March 2023 to meet my Surgeon. I hoped that I would have a little surgery and this would all be over but on this day I was told what my treatment plan would be. I was horrified. I was to have 18 rounds of Chemotherapy, Surgery and Radiotherapy. The only thing I remember thinking was that this was going to take over my life for the best part of 2 years and I didn't know how I was going to cope. Initially I didn't want to agree to this as I was convinced that Chemotherapy killed you, never mind the Cancer but my wonderful Breast Cancer Specialist Nurse sat me down and talked me through it all again and assured me that although this treatment plan would break me she would be there to pick me up again. Tough but true. What she also said, which I held onto tightly, was that " I was young, fit and healthy and that I would get through this." Words that would serve me well for the next couple of years.
I found telling people very hard as I knew how much this would affect them and I found giving myself up to my medical team even harder but it was crucial to let go of some control and accept all the expert help and support I was being offered. Advice I would give to anyone who finds themselves in this situation.
As I settled into acceptance and my new routine I found my life taken over by a conveyor belt of hospital appointments and a rollercoaster of emotions. Funnily enough I never thought "Why me !" more like "Why not me !" There were many people in my life who had been diagnosed with cancer and I think I thought it was my turn now.
I handled chemotherapy better than I thought I would. It was brutal but I was constantly amazed at how our bodies can repair. Every 3 weeks my Chemo Cocktail would kill every cell and then my body would begin to heal. It helped me to keep it that simple in my mind and I also tried to keep my mindset in a place of positivity. The side effects were difficult to handle but by leaning into my trusted Calmer Self Method and gratefully receiving all the help that was offered to me I got through. I was lucky that I could step back from my business, that of helping people relax, and use all my tips and coping strategies on myself.
While still going through Chemotherapy I had my surgery. I have always been scared of Anaesthetic and found myself on such a high as I came out of surgery that I had actually survived that I think this carried me through the recovery and happily found my body healing better than I had thought. As soon as I could I started to use essential oils on my wounds and daily massage to heal body, mind and soul. This was interrupted by my radiotherapy which seemed quick and simple but emotionally was tough and wore me out. Another reminder to up my self care and rest lots.
I think every possible emotion has come up for me during my treatment and I have been very grateful for regular counselling sessions to help me work through them. Something I would highly recommend to go alongside treatment. I found that the medical profession took care of their area brilliantly but I needed to embrace my holistic therapies almost as much. They say it takes a village to raise a baby and I think you need a village to help and support you through cancer treatment. Very grateful to my village who continue to support me after this life changing experience. I constantly remind people in the same situation that "You are not alone" and remind them to ask for help and receive all that is offered.
2 years down the line I am building myself up again. I am learning to love my scars and smaller bustline ( I had symmetrising surgery on my other breast 9 months after my breast cancer surgery). I am looking after myself better than I did before my diagnosis. My attitude to life has changed for the better and I cherish all the new friends and opportunities that cancer has brought me. I am now focussing my relaxation business on helping people with cancer, and the people who love them, as they suffer from stress and anxiety too and I'm determined to enjoy my life better than I have ever done. I am proud of how I have conquered my biggest fears....Cancer, Death, Chemotherapy, Surgery, Losing my hair... and I am stronger than I was before with a mission to help others reduce their panic and fear when cancer visits them.
I hope that sharing my story will go some way to helping people get through cancer if they find themselves having to face it too........
Since my breast cancer diagnosis, and the experience that I have learnt so much from, I am passionate about helping ease the fear and anxiety that comes with every stage of a diagnosis from the testing, through the treatment and even the anxiety that comes up as we reach recovery. I was lucky that I had my trusted Calmer Self Method to lean into and I want to give that ‘Toolbox’ to others.
If you’d like to learn more about how I can help you, please visit my website and YouTube channel. There, I share how my experiences have fuelled my passion for supporting others through similar challenges.
Please feel free to contact me directly if you have any questions or simply need a listening ear.
Here are details to my YouTube channel: www.youtube.com/@CalmerSelfCoach
Website: www.calmerself.co.uk
Text: 07856 169186
Email: nadine@calmerself.co.uk
